As we prepare for February, a month centered on matters of the heart, literally and figuratively, it’s also a time to look at our dating lives and figure out what’s working and what we should challenge ourselves to do differently in 2025. The desire to do this can be minimal in a time where people are finding themselves sick and tired of scrolling through apps, being presented with people who claim they want one thing but are really looking for something else — and it’s not a committed, healthy relationship. So how does one date smarter, not harder, this year?
We enlisted the help of Chanel Nicole Scott, dating and relationship expert, author, and Relationships Matter podcast host to offer three can’t-miss tips on ways to be more successful in this love game. And success doesn’t automatically mean finding your husband. It could also mean having more fun, knowing when to throw in the towel sooner than later, and going in with a better idea of what you’re actually looking for in a partner. Here’s what she had to say.
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Know Your Purpose
Scott says that when you’re confident and clear on who you are and what you deserve, navigating the dating scene will be easier. “You’ve got to know who you are. You got to know your God-given identity, and you have to be good with you,” she says. “It’s so important that you know your worth so when someone disappoints you, you’re not going to fall apart.”
Foundation of Friendship
It’s important to really know who you’re dealing with. So, instead of getting caught up in a honeymoon phase with a new prospect, Scott advises daters to keep their eyes wide open. “Get to know your person. Vet them. Find out their personality in all seasons,” she urges. “Find out how they react when they’re angry, when they’re happy, when they’re sad. You really want to get to know your person so you’re not blindsided.”
Don’t Overstay Your Welcome
Most importantly, don’t ignore red flags. While people are human and make mistakes, according to Scott, if someone you’re dating exhibits behavior that is worrisome, don’t just make a note of it. Do something about it.
“If you see red flags, exit stage left. The first sign you see, believe it. Believe who they are when they show you,” she says. “Don’t think you can change that person. When they show you who they are and it doesn’t align with your values, your goals and where you’re going, leave the situation alone.”
If you didn’t have the best luck in love in 2024, the idea of stepping out there again could sound like a nightmare waiting to happen. But Scott says that as long as you know your purpose and move with that at the front of your mind, as opposed to shallow things like going for the first attractive man or woman who comes your way, you will attract the right type of people and feel less anxious about dipping your toe back into the dating pool.
“For so long, we would date because we thought someone was attractive. That would be our criteria. We didn’t talk about integrity, we didn’t talk about character. We weren’t concerned, and we didn’t hear people,” she says. “We didn’t have social media talking to us every day about what it is to have vision and destiny and goals and values. We just know that that person is attractive.”
“So we’ve got to change how we approach dating. No more are the days of us going to the bar and trying to meet someone or going to the club and trying to meet someone. It’s so important to align with your purpose,” Scott adds. “When you align with your purpose, you’re going to attract your tribe. You’re going to attract those people with whom you have things in common with, with whom you share similar goals and values, and you’ll be moving in the same direction.”