Dr. Contessa Metcalfe, a former flight surgeon in the U.S. Navy, is a force of nature. Known for her emotional intelligence and discipline, Contessa’s career in military medicine required her to make life-or-death decisions in high-pressure situations, a trait that easily carried over to her time on Married to Medicine. On the show, she’s a powerhouse—balancing her demanding medical career with her personal life, navigating the challenges of marriage, motherhood, and professional ambition.
From the start, Contessa’s journey has been one of perseverance. Whether she’s actively taking charge of her health, building up her medical practice or fighting for her marriage, her no-nonsense attitude and determination shine through. Fans of Married to Medicine have seen her face everything from relationship struggles to career highs and lows, all while maintaining the same strategic focus and inner strength that guided her through her years as a Navy doctor. It’s this discipline, vulnerability, and perseverance that has made her a fan favorite.
This season, she didn’t return to Married to Medicine for drama—she came back because, despite everything, Metcalfe says the show had helped save her marriage. After stepping away following an explosive season nine to focus on her relationship with Dr. Scott, she realized that the friendships she built on-camera weren’t just for TV. “Even off camera, we had a Christmas party and people came. There are some true, authentic friendships and relationships whether there’s a camera around or not,” she tells ESSENCE.
Reality TV has been to blame for driving wedges in marriages, with relationship breakdowns playing out in real-time. However for Contessa, the opposite is true. “Believe it or not, I’ll say, and I can’t say it enough—if I weren’t on reality television, Scott and I probably wouldn’t have made it,” she admits. “We’ve been married almost 20 years, and I look at all my friends who’ve gone through similar issues. The easier thing, especially when you have means and access to attorneys, is just to say, ‘Forget it, let’s just break up,’ and then you just don’t do the work.” She echoes sentiments shared by other women in her circle, like Jackie and Simone, whose relationship struggles have also been shown on-camera. Even Phaedra noted in Season 10 that had she been on Married to Medicine instead of Real Housewives, she might still be married today.
Taking time off from the cameras gave them space to figure out who they were outside of the chaos. “[During] that time that we had to really start focusing on he and I, figuring out where we are now and who we are now, whether or not we’re still in love with each other—not who we used to be when we were just finishing college and med school with no kids and responsibilities—was invaluable,” she said.
Her views on marriage were also shaped by her parents’ divorce. “My dad had suffered from substance use disorder, sometimes for weeks and months, wouldn’t come home, was in prison. My mom and dad still said even after she had gotten remarried, ‘Man, you know what? We could have stuck it out,’” she recalled. Their hindsight reinforced her belief that relationships demand effort, and today she can say staying together became a conscious choice rather than an obligation.
She credits Married to Medicine for giving her a support system of couples who were navigating similar struggles. “If you don’t have a group of friends that are married, you don’t know what’s normal,” she explained. “You’re always in isolation thinking your stuff is worse than everybody else’s. And if you’re not able to be comfortable being vulnerable with your friends, then sometimes they can’t help you.”
While some of her relationships on Married to Medicine have provided much-needed encouragement during her toughest moments, Dr. Contessa has also faced her share of conflicts. Most recently, the blow-up between her and Dr. Heavenly Kimes in the fifth episode of the season, when the ladies visit the dude ranch, made headlines following the heated exchange where Dr. Heavenly pulled out the infamous “ya mama.”
Dr. Contessa Metcalfe and Dr. Heavenly Kimes once shared a close bond, however, over the years, their relationship has become more strained. The turning point? Heavenly’s podcast, where she openly discussed the cast of the show, including disparaging comments about Contessa and Scott’s marriage, sparking tension between the two.
Still, Contessa says that they could possibly reconcile if there’s some radical accountability. She recognizes that rebuilding their connection will take both time and effort. “I think it’s just going to be time. Time and really investing and getting to know each other, where we are today,” Contessa explains. “If you think about it… I wasn’t on the show last year. The last year you saw us on the show, we weren’t getting along. So it’s been like four solid years since we’ve really had true, honest conversation.”
For Dr. Contessa, reconciling with Dr. Heavenly is about rediscovering their connection and understanding how they’ve both grown. “It’s almost like with my husband, getting to know somebody, where we are today, where we stand, who we are, what we stand for, and just really authentically starting from scratch and rebuilding that relationship. I think that’s what it’s going to take.”
She’s also candid about her own approach to conflict resolution, acknowledging her natural tendency to move on quickly from disagreements. “Unfortunately, I’m a true Gemini. I go to sleep and I wake up and I’m like, ‘Wait, what was I mad about?’ So I have never been, and I’m not really a grudge holder, but I believe you when you show me who you are.” At the same time, she remains cautious when it comes to rekindling friendships, noting that trust has to be earned. “And I’m no idiot, right? Fool me once, but I have to see a change and I have to see authentic investment in wanting to be somebody’s friend.”
When it comes to stepping back into the Married to Medicine spotlight, Contessa likens it to “riding a bike.” For her, the real difference is simply the camera. “We’re living our life anyway,” she explains. “I drove onto the show in a Bentley, living in this house. So there’s really no difference other than sometimes there’s a camera here watching it.”
Being in the public eye brings with it a sense of responsibility—especially when considering the young viewers who may look to her for inspiration. “Some kids come from my background. They maybe had a dysfunctional childhood, so to speak. And I have to remember that for a lot of people who are watching, especially in our community, it’s tough to sometimes find that person who’s like, ‘Oh, I want to be just like that. I want to do that,’” she says. Contessa is committed to being a positive role model, explaining, “I’ve got to represent my mom who’s in heaven, and my daddy’s still alive, and my husband and my kids very, very well.”
Beyond reality TV, she has expanded her career into lifestyle and wellness entrepreneurship, focusing on holistic health and personal development. As she navigates the complexities of marriage, friendships, and life on Married to Medicine, she shows that facing challenges is about evolving. “I believe in grace,” she says. “We all make mistakes.” In the public eye and behind closed doors, Contessa’s strength shines—not just in her ability to weather storms, but in how she uses each experience to grow stronger, wiser, and unapologetically herself.