There’s just something about a habitual liar.
Ever since I watched the finale of Real Housewives of New York, a season that has been, at times, like a chore to view, my fingers have been itchy. I’ve been wanting to say something about how outrageous the conflict between stars Brynn Whitfield and Ubah Hassan truly was. But I assumed that most of us, Black women that is, weren’t really watching that Real Housewives franchise and probably wouldn’t care. But, surprisingly, people I knew started hitting me up: “Did you watch RHONY?!” So here I am.
In summary, the two stars finally came to blows, verbally, after a season that saw Whitfield and Hassan clash incessantly. While the ladies seemed to start off on good footing, Whitfield’s penchant for “twisting stories” and Hassan’s habit of being outspoken in calling out absurdity strongly and directly turned things sour. As the season neared its end, it almost seemed like Whitfield took joy in picking at Hassan, knowing it would cause her to blow up and react in a way that, to the other ladies, was out of control. For the record, Whitfield is actually a Black woman (she’s black and white). So the fact that she would use a platform to purposely egg on another Black woman to make her look absurd was icky enough.
But in the finale, things came to a head during a cast trip (those NEVER go well) to Puerto Rico spearheaded by Racquel Chevremont. After downplaying her modeling career (“You’re not Naomi!”) and Hassan suggesting that maybe Whitfield had to sleep her way into getting a spot on the show and that she didn’t need to do the same because she’s interesting enough as is, Whitfield had a meltdown that her cast members hadn’t seen before.
While Hassan exited stage left to keep what little peace she had left, adamant that she hadn’t said anything that her co-star didn’t first say, Whitfield began to cry and talk about how hard she’d studied and worked in marketing to get ahead.
She then divulged that as someone who’d been sexually assaulted, being accused of having sex with people to get ahead was a brutal accusation. Her colleagues, unaware of her experience, immediately sought to comfort her. While doing so, she took it a step further and shared that the assault was something Hassan knew about, making her digs that much more appalling. The women in the group all seemed genuinely shocked at the revelation, but more so that Hassan would allegedly stoop so low. Hassan wasn’t there to defend herself.
The ladies wrapped up the night with only one side of the story. And Hassan, who’d been in another room being spoken to by co-star Erin Lichy, who’d convinced her to apologize to Whitfield, was on her way to say sorry. She was unaware that she’d been accused of being a heartless she-devil. After attempting to apologize, which Whitfield couldn’t receive because they both were being tripped up by semantics, Hassan went back to her room, still oblivious to what had been said.
But one co-star, Jessel Taank, decided to go to Hassan for answers. After microphones were removed and filming ended for the night, she asked her why she would imply what she had about Whitfield knowing she’d been assaulted.
Hassan lost it.
In a pretty heartwrenching scene, she went out into the hallway and screamed in disgust and hurt, calling Whitfield a liar (and everything but a child of God). She went to her co-stars to see if they truly believed she would be so cruel. Hassan ended up crying and throwing up, truly devastated by the accusation. In an attempt to clear her name, she allegedly said Allah could strike down her and her unborn child.
After Hassan and Taank were sent to a hotel to calm down, Whitfield and the other ladies left in the vacation home came together to talk. The cast members recounted that Whitfield claimed she was sure that she’d told Hassan on a rough night around BravoCon that she had been assaulted. She’d called her while devastated over the death of a loved one and fighting an intense wave of emotions that allegedly brought the topic up. Hassan offered her a car to get her somewhere where she would feel safe and could calm down, never acknowledging any comments about a sexual assault.
In recounting the story, Whitfield realized that perhaps her co-star hadn’t “clocked” it. That is, if she actually told Hassan that she’d been assaulted, the model hadn’t heard her. The ladies were floored. While most believed she’d been assaulted, they also felt Whitfield had deceived them. It was all bad.
The next morning, as Whitfield chuckled with producers on the couch while her co-stars slept or just began to start the day, she prepared to leave the group trip early, tip-toeing out and shirking any accountability for the chaos she’d created. No apologies. No explanation. She just hopped on an early flight back to NYC and didn’t see her co-stars again until they had to take opening credit photos.
Hassan? She returned to the vacation house, a complete wreck. The moment she saw her co-stars, who had communed, sans Whitfield, to discuss the fact that homegirl was a habitual liar, she broke down crying at the thought that anyone would believe she could do what she was accused of. They all, finally, comforted her.
By the time they all came together for the cast photos, only Lichy really spoke to Whitfield, who came in late to get ready and to take her shots last, likely to avoid her co-stars who were on their way out after the group photo. As the season ended, her last words were to criticize her co-stars, who she felt hadn’t done enough to support her following her revelation. “That’s what I learned. These girls really don’t give a f–k.” She was a victim.
I believe that Whitfield was sexually assaulted. But the moment of divulging that wound, which could have been an opportunity for the women to come together after a hellish cast trip, was ruined by her attempt to do what she’d been doing all season long — twisting the truth to turn people against each other.
And that’s where folks messed up. For the entirety of the season, Whitfield has lied, lied, and lied. She embellished stories, claiming people said and implied hurtful things about other cast members. She’s told full-blown lies that have left cast members looking at one another quite crazy (i.e., the whole spin about Rebecca Minkoff that was actually a prank). And when the ladies could have called her out and told her how problematic her behavior was, they didn’t. Hassan was the only one who wasn’t shy about calling her a manipulator, but she was often treated like the town crazy lady because of how intense she could be at times. Nevertheless, was she wrong?
Everyone else waited until they got in their confessionals to talk about Whitfield’s lies as though they were just a little quirk of her personality.
“She stirs the pot!”
“She always adds a little something to stories!”
“I’ll never believe anything that comes out of her mouth, but she’s still fun!
“Oh, you know how Brynn is…”
No, actually I don’t. Because who lies like this!? It’s like being trapped in The Twilight Zone and wanting to jump through the screen and shake the falsehoods out of her while everyone else shrugs and giggles like they’re in the sunken place. As was proven, people who lie about small things, are likely to lie about big things. If you don’t call it out, it’s only a matter of time before it spirals and someone gets hurt.
Need an example? For those of us who watched Married at First Sight before it went off the deep end, during Season 10 in Washington, D.C., there was a Black guy named Michael Watson. He’d been paired with a woman named Meka Jones, and they seemed like they could be an ok match. But he lied from the beginning. Off-camera, he told her if they didn’t have sex during the honeymoon, he wouldn’t want to make things work. But on-camera, he told her family and her that sex wasn’t crucial to him to build a connection.
He lied about his finances. He lied about being a yoga instructor. He lied about a Groupon voucher for him and Jones to go to Jamaica. He lied to the experts. He lied like nobody’s business. It was maddening.
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But as it turned out, Watson lied because he had a rough childhood. He lost his mother when he was young, dealt with a lot of rejection due to being moved around a lot after being adopted by his aunt and cousin, and it seems he lied about things as a form of protection, according to loved ones. He wanted to live up to expectations so he wouldn’t be rejected, so he told lies. This was something that stuck with him into adulthood and into his marriage. Watson would later share that following the show and the dissolution of his union with Jones, he went to therapy to unpack his issues. He’s now married again.
Whitfield, too, dealt with childhood trauma. She’s been forthcoming about also being adopted by her grandmother after dealing with abuse and abandonment from her mother, who had her and her brothers very young, and with a much older man who couldn’t be bothered to do right by the family. She dealt with neglect shortly after being born and said her brood was poor. Most significantly, as she said, “I’m so focused on the fact that the two people who were supposed to love me didn’t — or couldn’t.” Perhaps the pain of those experiences is why she spins stories and feels the need to turn relationships upside down. If people are getting too close to each other, and not her, leaving her worried that she will be alone and on the outside, she starts stirring that pot. She starts turning on her friends. That’s sad.
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But I feel most sad for Hassan, who, like Jones on Married at First Sight, was left in shambles by finding herself caught up in someone else’s lies. Not only was the idea of her being accused and people believing that she would slut-shame a woman she knew had been assaulted deeply hurtful, but it also made her question how others would view her, including her own romantic partner. It made her question who she could trust. And yet, she was quick to forgive her.
“I can’t even hate Brynn. If I hold this grudge for her, I would never trust,” she remarked. “She would cut my wings, so I have to forgive her for me to move on, for me to live my life.”
I do feel for Whitfield and Watson and those who endure so much so young. But I’m also saddened at the reminder that when they don’t do the work to heal from those events, they hurt others deeply. When people don’t come together to say, this is a problem and it can’t continue, it goes unchecked. They make others look like the bad guy, and oftentimes, those left in the rubble are Black women like Hassan and Jones, who aren’t embraced and supported in the same way. (For example, the producers looking out for Whitfield more than they did Hassan, and the women immediately believing Whitfield despite her history of untruths.) They are left with trust issues. They are left questioning themselves, and it takes way too long for someone to give them the empathy they deserve. They, however, are expected to be compassionate to those who do them wrong.
But I guess that’s reality TV for you. If you think you’re going to get squeaky-clean people who all have their stuff together to take you away from what’s really happening in the world, you’re wrong. You get the same flawed folks you find in everyday life. Their magnified issues, playing on national TV, are a reminder of behaviors that truly aren’t ok or entertaining, and they need to be handled before they create more long-lasting trauma — for others.