What qualities do you look for in a potential partner? Do you prefer to have a list to check off, or are you the kind of dater who likes to go with the flow to see what works?
According to a relationship coach, educator, and speaker, Jacqueline Del Rosario, EdD, aka “Dr. Jacquie,” one of the biggest challenges that women have been facing in modern dating is letting others, including social, tell them what is important in a partner rather than following their true desires and beliefs.
If you recall, in 2023, a social media post of a list of restaurants not to go to on first dates went viral and sparked much debate. This list followed a TikTok video of a woman refusing to get out of the car of a suitor because he took her to the chain restaurant The Cheesecake Factory. Since then, more conversations have circulated the internet with people sharing their dating dos and donts. Jacquie believes that the best way to show up in dating is to be upfront and honest about one’s expectations, even if they may seem unconventional or differ from an admirer’s wants. Once you can do that, you can be more intentional in how you practice attracting a future lover.
Intentionality comes with believing in what you want and standing firm on it. For some assistance, people have been using the art of manifestation to make their desires a reality. A form of manifestation is creating a vision board, a collection of images and affirmations of one’s dreams, and it has become a popular practice. You put down, literally on paper, what you want for yourself, visually affirming it. So, is it worth it to create a vision board for love? It’s called a boyfriend vision board. While Jacquie thinks there are better methods, she isn’t against the idea. She thinks it’s a positive tool for people to remember what they want to achieve, especially in love.
“With vision boarding, you are twice as likely to commit, fulfill, and work on something that is actually written down or visualized rather than something that you just keep in your head space,” she says. “It helps you to do the work to figure out what your expectations are. What are the non-negotiable values that are important for me in my ideal person? And you will be surprised at how few people really do that sort of work. A lot of people say he has to be this, or he has to have that, but they’re not really talking about the substantive things that are more eternal that that person should embody.”
She continues, “Vision boarding for a boyfriend should all be around compatibility. In my practice, I’ve developed this equation and software that helps couples gauge compatibility factors. Compatibility is 80% of the equation. So, if you’re compatible, there’s less arguing and discourse. Vision boarding for a new love should also be around self-reflection. Are we asking ourselves, ‘Am I in the state of being where I could complement this particular individual?’ Or ‘What work am I willing to do to become the person I am looking for within myself?’ With both of those, the law of attraction and the law of alike things are working together for you.”
If you are interested in doing the work to attract a new man in your life with help from a boyfriend vision board, Jacquie has three key things to remember when creating one and insight on how it can be beneficial in the long term.
Prioritize Morals and Values
Jacquie says your vision board should be based on your morals and values. “Those are things that you need to reflect on the vision board because that’s your core self,” she says. “When you focus on who you are and honor your principles, it is easier to identify what you will or will not accept from someone you are dating. We, as women, sometimes are guilty of bending the rules for people and end up staying in a dysfunctional relationship longer than we should. So, highlighting our morals and values in our vetting process is essential to attract our true partner.”
Reframe Rejection
When it comes to dating, dealing with rejection is inevitable. But Jacquie believes that the trick is reframing how you look at being turned down. “Rejection is not about who you are or who you’re not. So a vision board can be a tool that helps you with the selection process instead of focusing on you being ‘not enough,’” she says. “The vision board helps you separate who is meant to walk with you in life and who is not. It gives you a new perspective in the dating game. Let the tool do the work for you.”
She adds, “The vision board is an agreement with yourself that this is what I am looking for, and it aligns with who I am and what I deserve, regardless of who comes around. When you think of rejection in a new way, you are more likely to be more accepting of dating different people and not dwell on the times when things may not align. The vision board is not meant to spotlight what you lack but to pinpoint what is aligned with us the most.”
Build Courage
Jacquie explains that courage is necessary when you are serious about finding a future partner. “The one thing a vision board will assure you of is that you need to have courage. To be intentional about a relationship means that you’ve already done the self-introspection and identified if you are really ready for love. If you’re still not ready to identify your defense mechanisms and triggers, or have not unpacked a lot of hurt and shame, then there is some more work to be done on your part,” she says. “You need courage to work through all of that, and you would want your partner to be courageous in navigating that as well. Love becomes operational, and it manifests when we become unclothed and vulnerable.”
While a proper vision board could help you attract your future soulmate, it’s also important to do the work to figure out if someone you believe fits what you’re looking for actually lives by those important values, or if they’re simply wasting your time. Don’t count out spending quality time with someone versus allowing yourself to be stuck in text threads, and try to get to know a prospective suitor in situations that can remove their representative and show their true selves.
“If I just went out with you and we went bowling, I’d get an opportunity to see how you are when you’re in your competitive space, socially, for example. These are things I’m not going to get without spending that real time, actual time, talking about things that matter,” she says. “I don’t like when people are interrogating someone on a date. ‘So, what is your employment status?’ When you’re spending time with someone, there’s opportunity for so many different topics to be broached and so many conversations to be had, where you’re really able to say, this is me, you know, and that takes some time. Vision boards are nice, but I would really love it if people would not throw away the old things that really do work.”