It’s always a time when the ladies of Black Love’s The Mama’s Den come together. Fans of their popular podcast, which has more than 384,000 subscribers on YouTube, know that they’re entering a safe space filled with laughter and opportunities to hear wisdom for mothers of today. The same good vibes and understanding were presented when the hosts and mothers, including singer Melanie Fiona, Black Love co-founder Codie Elaine Oliver, entrepreneur/influencer Felicia La Tour, and author Ashley Chea, came to ESSENCE’s offices to chat.
The ladies dished on a whole host of topics, including how they’re figuring out ways to balance their dreams, like leading an ever-growing platform, with parental responsibilities. “It’s been years and years in the making,” Fiona admits. “I think when I first had my son and I was doing music, I didn’t know how to use both sides of my brain. I was still thinking about who was going to get groceries and what was for dinner. But now I’ve given myself the space to be like, ‘I’m not there. But who I’ve left them with, I trust. They’re going to figure it out and I don’t need to use those brain cells or the capacity to exhaust myself in that way.’ It’s been a journey.”
Part of that journey has included knowing when you’re not protecting yourself and need to make a change. As La Tour noted, she realized she was a habitual line stepper — when it came to her own boundaries.
“Anytime it comes to boundaries, it’s never really somebody else violating my boundaries, it’s me crossing the line,” she says. “I’m like, I can go a little further. But 2025 we not doing that no more.”
In 2025, the women are also integrating various practices for themselves and their children to cope with the state of the world. We are at the beginning of navigating another four years of Donald Trump, and the effects of that already can be challenging for moms like La Tour to handle.
“When it comes to anything with that name, it stresses me out, to be honest,” she says. “It gives me anxiety. But I try to stay in the joy as much as possible. But yeah, if I’m being genuinely honest, I feel anxious. I feel anxious but hopeful. It’s a weird balance.”
For Oliver, she is using this time to uplift her brood. “It’s more important than ever to instill confidence in my children and their abilities and them as independent thinkers and to infuse as much joy as possible into our lives.”
Joy, for all of the ladies, was also essential to get through the wildfires that heavily impacted Los Angeles in January. While none of the women lost their homes, they all knew people who did and found themselves changed by the tragedy.
“I would say that, for me, recognizing that anxiety, recognizing that everyone was impacted by knowing multiple people in Los Angeles who lost homes, by that period of constant evacuation notices to our homes, texting friends. Really, all that uncertainty has left a mark,” Oliver says. “I think the first thing for me is recognizing that and letting it be. Breathing through those memories that are going to continuously pop up as we’re still not out of the woods as they say. So I’m just trying to stay in that space of gratitude, of how can I help those impacted because I know so many, and taking it one day at a time. When we were in that period, it was one hour at a time.”
“For me and my family, it was a reality check,” Fiona adds. “It’s the possibility of sudden change. Things can be one way one second, and then they can be another, so being grateful and present in each moment is really important. That’s very, very important to me on an everyday basis, but that really became amplified at the beginning of the year.”
The women all lean on lessons and advice that have guided them as they raise their children. Each host has at least two kids. Chea has four, including a teen. She’s learning to lead them and listen simultaneously.
“My mom told me this: Your children do not belong to you; you belong to your children. I’m always going to be their mom, but they’re not always going to be my little babies in that way,” Chea says. “So I’m constantly trying to remember that my role will forever be their mother, but the role I play in their life will always change.”
She adds, “But I do realize that because of that, that advice helps me to nourish the relationship I have with them, so that I’m always someone they want to call, someone they want to include in their life. I try to definitely remember, giving them space, letting them grow and not always trying to dominate my children but really trying to allow them to figure it out. I’m trying to help guide them, but I always want them to be close to me. I keep that in mind when I’m parenting them. If I want them to call me when they’re 3o, they have to like me now.”
For La Tour, she says she learned that mothers of today need grace, especially from themselves. As the lone single parent among the bunch she says practicing that has also come in the form of asking for help. “I feel like the best piece of advice was grace. But it was very challenging for me to understand. But grace and ask for help. Ask for help!” she says. “My first child, I wish I asked for help earlier. I did what I needed to do, but I was holding on to my trauma so tightly.”
Who can’t relate? Hence the importance of the space they’ve created with The Mama’s Den. In 2025, they look forward to continuing to be a haven for Black mothers, but really for whoever needs it because their platform is for everyone.
“I love to create communities where I have questions. Whether that’s about marriage and creating the Black Love docuseries or that’s about motherhood and really trying to surround myself with people who are likeminded but different enough, have more kids than me or older kids than me or the same age — all the mothers, I was like let me ask you all of the questions,” says Oliver. “I know that that community, while important to me, is necessary and important to so many. We all know that motherhood can be very isolating, especially as a Black mother. So surrounding ourselves with folks we can talk to openly, honestly, and learn from has been incredible.”
Check out The Mama’s Den podcast on the Black Love YouTube page and BlackLove.com.